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| wow i havent written in this in a while...i forgot it even existed...but yea now that i have one more week before school starts again i guess its nice to just relax and do useless things  ...wow ive survived my first year of college wohooo!!...Ohh and a journey it was. It was actually a rude awakening, to life, but i guess everyone needs to go through that. I realized that people arent always the people they seem to be, that people change, you change and sometimes you just sorta lose yourself in the midst of everything thats happening around you. I mean i didnt have a horrible horrible first year...but it wasnt so happy go lucky the entire way through and I can honestly say the only thing that got me through it is my God. My faith was definately strengthened this past year watching God work his miracles in every aspect of my life. When I felt so alone in this world God was definately there by my side getting me through it all. I would just keep telling myself my favorite verse "for everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven" everytime I would get upset about things not going according to my plans. I realized that I need to stop worrying so much about life and let things just happen as they do because in the end you meet the people your supposed to meet, you do things your supposed to do and you are where u belong. Dont get me wrong im not trying to act like this innocent person thats like religiously revived all of a sudden. I know that Ive made mistakes and Ive done dumb things and people will judge me no matter what I do and what I say but at the end of the day who really cares, INDIANS are indians and they are going to judge you no matter what. Hmmm...what else happened this past year...I had a lot of fun with my girliesss this past year. You get to realli realize whos there for you and whos not through tuff times. Shouts to my penniangals u know who u are MUAH...what else..hmm okie thats it with the mushy philosophical life thinking stuff for now. | | |
| "PAIN is there for a REASON
the reality is pain is there to tell us something and theres only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache"--grey's anatomy Its like three in the morning and i cant sleep and so i was watching tv and i was suprised at how relevant this quote from greys anatomy is to my life right now. I guess we go through life trying not to feel pain...we never want to get hurt whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally, but we do. It's inevitable, we are prone to get hurt. We try to protect ourselves from feeling this pain but you just cant stop it, its apart of life and I guess the only thing you can do is get up and deal with it. Pain is obviously there to tell us something and whether we want to acknowledge the message or not is another story. I guess you have to go through some bad times to enjoy the good times in your life i guess. I guess everything does really happen for a reason. I have WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much time on my hands. I should go study or something. I need to get out of this house....I need to DORM! | | |
| hey...yea so this summers been quite weird so far. I dont know whats realli going on anymore. Im going to just keep telling myself to go with the flow. Im sick of being so hung up on how things SHOULD be and how I SHOULD act and Im sick of listening to peoples crap. Like yea to an extent you should listen to what other people have to say because either their older and wiser or they just know what their talking about. But i realized theres no point in listening to what other people say to you and going with what they think is right unless you know for u'rself thats what you want. Like nobody wants you to be in pain and nobody wants you to go through shit that they know is going to hurt you but sometimes you just have to go with what you know is right and most of the time im sure im wrong and in the end who knows if i'll end up hurting myself but atleast I know that I did everything that I thought was right to be happy and if it does hurt me in the end I know that I can learn and grow from my mistakes. YEa we all want to learn from other peoples mistakes and not have to go through any hardships but sometimes you just have to experience shit on your own. God only puts in front of you what you can handle and I know that whatever doesnt kill me will make me stronger! Lolz I sound so philosophical. And its times that your going through shit that you realize whos really there for you and whos not. Like you want to live in u'r fantasy world and think that everyone is there to help you and be there for you but its the ones who try to be there for you through thick and thin that you realize are your true people. It's so confusing and most of the time you dont want to accept the fact that a person that you were so tight with is just not there for u when u need them. But thats life I guess and God puts certain people in u'r life and takes certain people out because thats just his plan. Im going to stop trying to make my life the ideal life that I always thought it would be and do things the way i want to do it because in the end its all in gods plan and you cant fight it but after a while you just have to accept some stuff and move on. I dunno i also realized a lot of stuff from just talking to people that if u'r with someone whether it be a friend or whoever that unless they can accept who you are as a person you can never be happy. Yea there are certain itty bitty things about people that I love that I wish i could CHANGE but i just cant and i have to just love them for who they are. Like you cant truly love someone and then like pick at every little annoying thing about them and hope to reform them and CHANGE them into this ideal person that you want them to be. It may work for some people but are you like truly happy if you have to change who u are to make someone else happy? Shouldnt you just accept peoples weaknesses and flaws and love them for who they are?...I dunno i make no fricken sense right now and Im just talking out of my ass! Lolz this is what happens when you have too much fricken time on u'r hands in the summer...lolz I cant wait till college starts. I guess start anew..its not realli starting anew at stjohns since everybody and their moms already knows who u are and u'r whole biodata but whatever..we'll see where it all goes. I just want to be happy and not worry about stupid things that I cant change. Im not a sad and depressed somber soul so if i know i can smile through it all i know im good | | |
| Summer 06
Today was a funny and frustrating day. It starts off with Kayla coming over at the crack of dawn...and somehow for some reason evrey time i tried to feed her today the food always ended up on the floor. Im not even kidding i took cereal in the morning and it was on the floor i took chore later on and it was on the floor!!...yea and so i was all excited about driving today and whatever so 3:00 comes and I go outside because my instructor is outside and its not my instructor!! its some fat dude that Ive enevr seen before so im like hi u'r not my instructor and hes like yea i am. SO im like ok...i can do this even though hes a STRANGER....and he tells me to drive so im driving and driving and he is giving me soo instructions like an instructor should do!! Hes like jsut do what u usually do and Im like I usually get instructed on what to do!.....Yea so after that i went driving with my dad and for some reason he was realli calm, it felt good knowing he wasnt tense which in turn usually makes me tense. Yea so the best part of my day was going to BEckys house. I walked into her house and it was like an oven! I thought my house was bad but it was hott up in that joint lolz so i decided to take off my pants...it wasnt a big deal I was gonna put shorts on or whatever but still i started unzipping and stuff and beckys like freaking out like omg my moms gonna come in are u sure u want to do that and im like yeaa im fine u know i have no shame its u becky why are u freaking out. So im sitting there in my underwear on her bed waiting for shorts and after i put on the shorts guess who comes out of the closet!!!!! JAISONN!!!!!! That tall monkey was in the room the wholeeee time i was changing. YES while i was sitting in my underwear he was in the closet!!! He swears he didnt see nothing but still! The least they could have done was given me a head up lolz. SO the moral of the story is if u want to surprise me becareful I might be in my underwear and mind u they were pretty underwear! Lolz I love u guys | | |
| Today was a good day...I started the day with a wonderful detention for cutting on Senior Cut Day, it was fun sitting around playing cards and stuff with the flopper jobers. I guess because of this experience I learned how to play 28! There was absolutley no point in this detention, but whatever I guess its just one of those "Senior" traditions. It's ironic how ive never gotten detention my whole high school career and I get one likea week before Im leaving. Anyway after that I went out with my Baby...he's so scrumcious..hehe
(To be Continued) | | |
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